Friday, August 15, 2008

Would there be, could there be

a time when you can imagine getting along with the former spouse? Right after hell freezes over you say?! Yepper, same here!

She used to love me! In all fairness to her that was years before, and I was involved in the life of only one of her children then. I was Mystery's pre-K teacher. I was also the
visiting cousin's teacher the year before that so I had some exposure to some family members but not a lot. TW used to be the one that came and do the drop-off and pick-up, and I only met Mystery's father one time when he came to pick up. That would be when Jabber was born, and I don't think I even knew that TW was pregnant until my future SIL (who worked at the same pace) told me about her new nephew.

But the sun used to rise and set with me! I was a pretty darn cool pre-K teacher and TW knew that she loved the way that the year went for Mystery. When Jabber got old enough we knew that he would go into my classroom just because I had a prior relationship with the family. That's just the way it was done around there. TW was so happy that he got put in my class and the sun rose and set with me again! A couple weeks later they moved Jabber only because they were re-assigning by birthdates and he was 6 months too young for my classroom. It's a much longer story than this but it was several months later when I began dating Daddy. Because of ethics and all I was not going to get nailed for "Daddy chasing". You can imagine what a huge taboo that was?! I wasn't hated until a month or so after that when TW found out what 'the girlfriend's' name was. Now I'm pond scum. Whatever. The information that I had on her by that time didn't make me want to hang with her anyway!

I do know how to be friendly with others. Look at me and Sparkles! If that don't beat all, right?! TW decided early on that she was going to be a bitch toward me and that's just the way it was. I can see resenting that someone else spends more time with your kids, but then go ahead and spend that time yourself!! You could have been doing that all along!

I do wish that she could be more of a human being. It's just not possible, I swear! Whatever she does she must poison her children so that they have "0" (that a zero!) respect for me and will try to buck the system around here wherever possible. I swear that I'm going to give her 90% credit for all of the hating that Mystery has bestowed on me! For the first couple of years here she still stayed in the background and had little to do with her kids. When Daisy was born and Mystery wanted more attention, she somehow seemed to either forgive TW for the years of abandonment or decided that it was payback time and she was going to guilt TW into it.

I just can't picture TW dropping her hateful stance toward me. If she were to ever do so I can picture her trying to communicate with me before she might try to with Daddy because he really isn't into giving her any more chances for much of anything. That would be a very long road, though one that I just can't imagine travelling.

So... would you, could you imagine getting along with your spouse's former spouse?


Anonymous said...

When I first got married, I was 21 and my husband was 37. He had been married for 16 years and HATED his ex wife. I found that when he lost the hate of her, I liked her more. I found with hate, came a certain form of love and once that was gone, we were a lot better off. Hate and love are both a very strong emotions so I felt more secure when the hate stopped. Plus he had two kids with her and we had to get along for them. It was no good the other way.

Mimi said...

You're lucky Joy! My husband's 1st wife left him and even though she said that it wasn't for someone else she is still with the same guy. He can't get past that and her abandoning their children. Well, that and her ugly, selfish attitude!

I did get along with my older children's father in the early years and it was a lot better for all of us then. It was just one of those things that I couldn't get over with him threatening to kill me 8+ years later. Thankfully we only had a few years left of "co-parenting" at that point. I would have wished that he felt some remorse for that but I believe that he'd do it again with no problem.