Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Would it bug you?

I made this totally dumb graphic, just because posts look totally boring if all there is in front of you is type, right? That and I wanted to illustrate some circumventing. Let me know if the arrow is what did it for you, ok?

When a divorce happens the parents are supposed to go through the parents and their own relatives, right? Daddy doesn't contact TW's family and invite the cousins over, leaving TW completely out of the loop. That is, of course laughable (because cousins live with TW's mother while their parents are 'unable' to care for them) that Daddy would interact in a friendly tone with the woman that wants to talk crap about me in front of his children at every opportunity and interject that she is somehow in charge of said interactions. It's relayed information from Jabber about the heresay stuff, but not something that we doubt at all.

My SIL has been doing a back and forth thing between TW's house and hers for a couple years now. Yes, Mystery is constantly at TW's house. Hey, if she had to come home to see this side of her family do you think that she may not have been around and participated here a little more? Less alienated (although it feels like she who has done the alienating)?

Mystery calls cousin, cousin goes over to hang out. SIL is usually happy because that's one less kid around asking for a ride somewhere, to go buy something or otherwise crawl up her last nerve. It's not like SIL and TW are friends either. They don't speak to one another unless they have to and when that happens it is quite strained because they know that something is up. SIL has called here and griped when TW dumps on her and we end up telling SIL that she'll do it if you let her! I wish SIL would keep it to herself because she never involves us in her swap-offs with TW the rest of the time when it's convenient for her, why now?! Share the agony? Hell, we don't let her do most of that crap to us anymore! LOL, she'll have to learn all by herself!

But it bugs the hell out of me that SIL does this. She's MY SIL now and she should be having the back and forth cousins stuff between us and them, not TW! It feels like this is just another of the ways that Mystery has been allowed to blow us off here. Every now and then I don't want to give up on her, usually after she hasn't been in my face for some time. Heck, it's been over a week since she made my blood pressure rise, right? Time to give her another chance?

Twenty-one more days until Mystery's first day of school. I'm guessing that she'll move back here (from staying at TW's all summer) on the day before, possibly after suppertime that day. I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish that I could 'fix' all the stuff between us. I don't know how to. Anyone that thinks that going to a counselor would help would be right if it were an option. Daddy and his family are of the opinion that those people are quacks and only for crazy people. That they get in your business and would never know the real story anyway, so why go and expose yourself? I can tell you right now that nobody from here (aside from me) would go unless they were court ordered to do so, and even then wouldn't actually cooperate. Sucks for me because I've had some useful experience with counseling and I know the value of it.

Go by myself to at least get something started/done? Yes, I am thank you very much. With all the health crap going on with me right now it's time for me to bring my anxiety level down and I have to try, with ot without them. I have an appointment and don't look forward to going and having to share information with an unknown person, but they don't give you meds unless you do, right?!

So for today, just tell me if it's just me? Would it bug you if your in-laws interact with the ex and leave you and your spouse out of the loop entirely?


Anonymous said...

I’d like to say no it wouldn’t bother me but come on, who wouldn’t this bother? I feel the younger the children are, the more you need to be involved without making them feel guilty for anything. Kids have such a way of feeling everything is their fault. Has this been going on for very long? My stepchildren were almost grown when I married their dad but I just let things “be” so they could slowly accept me. It worked but it took a few years. Hang in there.

BTW, the graphic totally works for me :-)

Mimi said...

Thanks for coming in and commenting Joy! All of this has been going on since a few months after Daisy was born, so basically 3 years.

In our case my kids were the ones that were older and on their way out of living with us. I always thought that they were happy that I was finally happy and they knew that whatever blending they were going to have to do would be short-lived. They do come back now for all of the important stuff, including at least calling my new husband on Father's Day.

Oh, and thanks for the graphic comment! I was worried that it was too corny!