I'm not sure what started the spiral exactly. It seems like it was bound to happen, and just needed a kick in the pants along the way. Think about this. Mystery's mother walked out when she was 5 years old. She barely called and hardly visited for the next 3 years, and she lived in the same town. It was probably worse on Mystery than Jabber because she was old enough to understand that her mother was making a choice not to spend time with her. She learned about excuses pretty young.
Then I came along and I was really tight with my kids, especially with Glory. The mother/daughter stuff was a lot of what you'd want it to be, very close and active with each other constantly. So Mystery sees this and probably started to cling to her Daddy a little more for awhile and there was surely some jealousy mixed in there too because she had been the 'house mother' for a couple years.
When I was pregnant with Daisy is probably when it all started changing. Mystery and Glory shared a room and although Glory wasn't around too much they were often at odds with normal stuff like "Stop borowing my clothes!!!" I was harder on Glory about chores and things that I wanted her to be an example of and that had to have sucked for her. I know it did. Worse, nobody cared about the example and they did whateverTF they wanted! Daddy still wouldn't choose a battle about little stuff, but waited until the huge snowball hit! Snow boulder!
So, less attention for Mystery right? Nomal actions/reactions on both sides. Oh, one surprise though. Mystery never told anyone that she had a new sister on the way. Glory invited one of Mystery's friends and the Mom to the baby shower and they were the only ones that knew until Daisy was a couple weeks old. Mystery began using a crying baby as an excuse for lack of sleep to her teachers! Shoot, she was up sneaking her butt on the phone until all hours and paying ZERO attention to the baby! Daisy got sick at a couple months old. She got one of those things that she was just getting shots for but had already been exposed to. (I can't remember if I've shared this and will have to go back in the achives to see!) She was hospitalized in PICU for just short of a month and I stayed with her 95% of the time she was there. When we came home things at our house had gone haywire! Daddy let the animals run the zoo! Oh, he came and told on them while we were there, but there's only so much I could do by phoning it in!
It has to be right around then that they started going to TW's for more than one night here or there on weekends. About 6 months later I told Daddy that things were changing too much and they were disconnecting. We should keep them home EOW and establish 'normal' with our family. He sounded just plain tired of dealing with conflicts and would only agree to keeping them one weekend a month. That last for about 7 months. Lately I can tell you that I'm tired and relieved when they're gone.
It's because there's nothing here when they're here. I can tell you that I have heard the two of them talking and Mystery has blurted little things when she is ticked off. They don't need me for anything. There is no doubt in my mind that TW has drilled it into their heads that I am nothing to them and they do not need me for anything. If they want something they should never ask me for it. Half of the reason for that is because I insist that they ask in the form of a question with manners. If there's no please in it then I ask them to repeat it. Heck I did the same thing with my bio kids and it didn't kill them! If you want something then ask, instead of telling someone that you want it and expecting them to jump.
An example. We live less than a mile from the school that Mystery attends. I used to get up and give Glory a ride to school when she asked. She got a ride sometimes too, so it was inconsistent. If there was snow on the car then I expected Glory to help me wipe/scrape it off and getting the car warmed up, possibly bundling up Daisy while I did that. Something! Not just at her beck and call. Mystery is a whole different kid though. Because she would have had to phrase it as a question in the first place she wouldn't do it. She informed Daddy that she was going to have him drop her off at MIL's house and she'd have her drive her to school 20 minutes later. Turns out that she informed MIL too. And they did it for most of one year! In the spring MIL apparently put her foot down and told her to walk from here because the weather was nice enough. The next year she began having Daddy bring her to the school when he left for work and she would wait until classes started. Doing this made her arrive 40 minutes before! What teen do you know that wants to get up and go to school 40 minutes before it starts? Heck, almost a half hour before any other kids get there! But all this happens just so she won't have to ask me for a thing.
LOL, she walks a lot of places. She won't ask me, and Daddy has stopped being a constant taxi for her, citing that she needs to ask instead of inform him. Yayyy!! He picks and chooses when he'll go with things like that, but I'll take them where I can get them! In truh she only half makes her plans and then ends up calling him to come and get her when the plans that she said she made don't materialize. I have to say that I don't like that she's 16 yrs old and walks around after dark by herself at times. We're in a pretty quiet residental neighborhood, but sometimes that is not the place to bewalking all by yourself. If I never let Glory do it at that age then why would I want her to? Shoot! Her with her tight jeans and booty all out there and everything! Looking all badass, but it's all a bunch of hype! She can talk a good game, and I think her friends are her friends so that they aren't on her bad side but she's all talk. Trust me!
I'm not trying to pick on her. I'm trying to survive around here. I take so much crap from my step-kids that I would never take from Daddy even. Being ignored to my face, if I ask them to help do something one way then it seems like they bend over backwards NOT to do it. And lied to. They know that Daddy chooses his battle a lot more lax than I do and they rely on that so they can shortcut everything. He gets sick of me telling him about whatever one of them did, but he won't do anything that would allow me to have any final authority. Hey, if he'd let me set a limit and then tell them that if they don't do it he'll make it 3x worse then maybe they'd start listening to me, ya think?
I just know that we are only ever in the same room at the same time for a VERY small percentage of any day. When he's not here neither one of them has no problem ignoring me, walking away while I'm still talking or doing an exact opposite of whatever it was right in front of me. Saying they're sorry means get off my back but I'll do it again every time.
A counselor/shrink would have a field day with us, right!