Saturday, August 23, 2008

When he gets disappointed

It's times like these when I wish that someone could just shake TW. Shake her and look her in the eye and tell her what a selfish bitch she is.

Jabber is spending the entire weekend at home, by default. I mentioned that Daddy said that he was not going to do all the driving anymore, right? Well on Thursday when Jabber called TW to tell her that he had a football even this over the weekend he said that if she could come and get him on Thursday night after practice then he'd be able to stay until Saturday afternoon, when he'd need to go to the event. He had no expectations of even having the possibility that she would attend the event and watch him play.

From what he said, she told him that it was too late for her to get him and that she'd just wait until after the event on Saturday night and he'd sleep over and get to see her on Sunday. There was no mention of a pool party until he called her this morning. She, her BF and Mystery were going to a party out of state (not far because we're near a border). So, Jabber stays around here with us. Daddy and he hav been busy with the new bedroom renovations and Jabber has gone back and forth between that and going up to KUTS house. (Remember, the snotty little kid that I can't stand?!)

We went to his event tonight. He got to play quite a bit during the game and got in a couple of good take-downs. Go Jabber! Daddy drove him to TW's house after the game and guess what? Nobody's there! They called Mystery on her cellphone and the conversation winds up with TW telling Jabber that they aren't leaving the party for a couple more hours. Just go home.

Jabber came in talking about her. Talking about how it sucked that TW didn't think that he was important enough to be there for. That the pool party was more important. That it meant that he wouldn't get to see her all weekend and in effect it would be almost two weeks of not seeing her.

Oh I would love to tell him what a selfish bitch she is, but I do know better. I told him that I want him to remember that it's not about him, and it's more about her. He was directly questioning his worth in her eyes, which I told him that I couldn't really answer. That he needs to remember that she is the one making these choices and that it's about her and her wants/needs, not about him or his. I told him that I don't want to talk about his mother , but that I want him to remember that it's not about him. He said something to the effect that he can't wait for her to grow up. Again, Go Jabber!


joyerickson said...

This is sadder than I can say. Your so wise to not say anything bad about his mom. It will come back to bite you in the ass if you do. You are also showing him you are the stronger and better person for it.

Mimi said...

Thanks for saying that Joy. He is a guy who says what's on his mind at any given moment, so I do know about the coming back to bite me thing. It really seemed like what I needed to say so that he doesn't internalize and think that he did something wrong or wasn't good enough. When TW chooses Mystery over him (frequently) it comes out that way in him.

SMILF said...

Oh man. I hate that. Our kids mother does that crap as well - just isn't there when it's time to get the kids back. it not that important to her?! I am the same way as you - though I am literally biting my tongue sometimes or have to leave the room I never say a bad word about their mother in front of the kids. And that is hard. Period. You know this.
You are doing a fab job - sometimes stepparenting seems to be a thankless job but we have to keep in mind I think that someday the kids will get old enough to see who has really been there for him and who hasn't. And we can hope that they choose to model their lives after those who HAVE been there for them and not the opposite. HUGS!

Mimi said...

I hear ya SMILFie! It's got to be what keeps me trying again. (That the do need to good examples and can choose later, whether they react well now or not!)