Sunday, June 8, 2008

I had to find a place

to put some of this stuff. There are so many experiences that I've had a 'taste' of in my life and some that I wish that I could have spit out! Daughter, Mother, Wife, Niece, Auntie, Step-Mom. Not Gramdma yet. It'll be Gigi when we get to that and there are a few reasons why that specific name is in the running. Maybe we'll save that explanation for when I am a pending Grandma?

I am an Over 40 Mommy, my last child born at age 43 with some infertility factors. High FSH or 'old eggs'... go figure?! I was a single parent for 12+ years and I traded that title for Step-Mom, or Step-Monster - I think the jury is at a tie on that one right now. I hope. I was going to be a Gigi in August 2008 but sadly will not be when Glory was told there was no heartbeat at 13+wks.

Let me take an opportunity here to give you some insight into the names that I've chosen. Daddy was easy! Self-explanitory?
Charming... yes, my dear guy believes that his charm will get him there. He has a considerable amount of it and can absolutely BS with the best of them. SO MUCH like his father (not just in looks) that you'd swear he didn't grow up with me, but he did. The day after graduation he bolted though and spent the next several years living with his father and grandmother. Yes, all in the same house. Glory. Ok, the word speaks for itself a bit here, right? This is the girl that "I did" right! She is not afraid to say what's on her mind, make a decision that's risky, try for something that's going to take a lot of effort and she loves so deeply. GloryBe is her husband. I figured the name would work well as an extension of her name and he does surprise us quite frequently. He's a pretty good guy but I can't wait until he's over 30! Oh, and his family got her into their church, the first she's ever been a part of in her life and she's happy. 'Nuff said?!

Mystery doesn't really seem like a mystery to me because I understand a lot of where's she's coming from. That doesn't make it right but she resists any attempts to get a lot of things right. Maybe JUST because of my relationship with her, maybe it was her nature anyway. The mystery is: what will it be next, and OMGoodness did she really think we're that dumb? Jabber has my heart. First of all he is an ADHD kiddo, recently diagnosed and if we'd figured it out earlier then he could have avoided a lot of grief. Jabber, for the sheer volume of words that come spilling out of him and also for what he does to my heart sometimes. If flip-flops at least between good and bad jabs. I've been with him since he was less than 4 years old and this kiddo is 'mine'. I have things that I give up on with Mystery because the battle is one that seems stacked against me, but with Jabber I know that he can be that better kid and he loves getting things right. I definitely want that for him and he knows it is because I care.

Daisy! So little and has no place else to go to escape! She was hospitalized as an infant for just short of a month and it was right when sleep training would have been implemented. That ship definitely sailed and since I'm not into CIO we deal with it. Not always fun, but it's probably easier because she IS the last one. People said I was crazy, nuts, off my rocker... well they can say whatever they want and they don't have her - I do! Yes, she was planned!

X-Idiot is just that. I used to be married to him for a short time. Enough to have my two kiddos. We got along well enough for about 8 years after we split and when things ended between him and my friend he basically took it on on me. After the RO I really don't speak to him because he has never apologized. TWrecks somehow decided from the very beginning of when she learned of my involvement with Daddy that she was going to be hateful. I think she would have been hateful to anyone, but especially to one that came in and acted with kindness, care and concern for the children that she left behind. No fight, she just left them. After Daisy was born she started taking the skids on weekends and I wish we had EOW but the reasons we don't vary from week to week. She's Disney. When she's not they don't want to go there and it's all very inconsistent. Not my first choice.
My best friend on the planet is the X-Idiots former girlfriend and mother of one of his 4 children. We both moved on, remarried and now we have 3 year olds that are only months apart and the very best of friends. It helps that she was over 35 when her youngest was born (Yes, I probably should give them names in the left column because they are extended family and constantly in our daily stuff) and we had some of the AMA testing and stuff in common while we were pregnant.


Ok, one more piece of info that should probably be in an introductory post. I'm a white female and my Daddy is a black male. X-Idiot is a white guy and TWrecks is white also. Do the math, 2 white kids, 3 biracial. My son-in-law is also a black man. I've had a r@cist h@te mailer (also known as Butt Wipe Hate Mailer = BWHM) contact me online and this may bring out some more but that would be the reason why I have all the name changes. I may go into that more as we go along, but for now I'll leave it at that. I'm also choosing labels as we go along and I hope you'll bear with me and just look for something that makes sense! Next installment, coming soon!


2 comments:

Beth K. Vogt said...

So many labels is right! And a belated welcome to life as a mommy-come-lately, my term for late-in-life moms. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I appreciated your comment.
Beth@MommyComeLately

bsmommy said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog too! It was great to "meet" you, via your introduction.