You see, I'm trying not to use that one for Glory's hubby. It's what pops into my head all the time though! Ok, probably because Daddy uses that term when describing him and he really is spot-on!
The name I have for him in the left column index just isn't working for me! I have to say that I don't hate him and want him to vanish off the earth, but because Glory loves him fiercely I sure wish that he'd wake TF up and see that there is more to life if you actually DO something!
Just before Christmas Glory called to tell me that she's pregnant. This is her 2nd pregnancy and she's really nervous because her first ended in a miscarriage right after the beginning of her 2nd trimester. Very bad scene to say the least. (Had to have 2 D&C's and then also contracted salmonella!)
And her husband hasn't been employed since May. His family that is near them has basically shut them off because they wish he'd straighten his @$$ out too. He can't get a job because his SSN gets run and he needs to 'clear a few things up' about his previous job before anyone else will hire him. Read between the lines here and you'll know what I'm saying, ok?
They came to see me for Christmas. Having him in the hosue and seeing how useless he is on a daily basis is completely frustrating. One day I took them out and had him throwing a wrench into that even though we dropped him off while we went shopping. I'll mention that one of the days he went to visit a friends he left the cord to recharge the cellphone. The friend left to visit family several states away, locking the cord inside. Looking around we found several places that had the cord for $40. FORTY F dollars! Maybe that's not a lot but when you're on vacation, out of state, barely swung the $$ for the plane tickets... who TF needs to spend $40 on replacing something that you just should have been responsible about in the first place?!
And who gets to pay for it? Not his no-job-having @$$!
Now they are back 'home' where they've been living and looking into moving to another closer state. She gave her notice at her job and plans for a week of settling things for the move. I've suggested that she send her husband ahead so that he can begin job hunting and settle the dogs in. (They are sharing a housde with friends, so that's at least taken care of ahead!) Let him start standing up and taking some responsibility! I understand that she is beginning to feel that if she's not there that it won't get done, and that he NEEDS her to guide and prod him. That is SO not the way it's supposed to be though! Heck, she already has one baby, him!
So, can you think of another name for him that isn't 'that' mean? I love lists to choose from! HELP!!!!
Showing posts with label In-Laws. Show all posts
Showing posts with label In-Laws. Show all posts
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Friday, November 14, 2008
Some background
I'm not sure what started the spiral exactly. It seems like it was bound to happen, and just needed a kick in the pants along the way. Think about this. Mystery's mother walked out when she was 5 years old. She barely called and hardly visited for the next 3 years, and she lived in the same town. It was probably worse on Mystery than Jabber because she was old enough to understand that her mother was making a choice not to spend time with her. She learned about excuses pretty young.
Then I came along and I was really tight with my kids, especially with Glory. The mother/daughter stuff was a lot of what you'd want it to be, very close and active with each other constantly. So Mystery sees this and probably started to cling to her Daddy a little more for awhile and there was surely some jealousy mixed in there too because she had been the 'house mother' for a couple years.
When I was pregnant with Daisy is probably when it all started changing. Mystery and Glory shared a room and although Glory wasn't around too much they were often at odds with normal stuff like "Stop borowing my clothes!!!" I was harder on Glory about chores and things that I wanted her to be an example of and that had to have sucked for her. I know it did. Worse, nobody cared about the example and they did whateverTF they wanted! Daddy still wouldn't choose a battle about little stuff, but waited until the huge snowball hit! Snow boulder!
So, less attention for Mystery right? Nomal actions/reactions on both sides. Oh, one surprise though. Mystery never told anyone that she had a new sister on the way. Glory invited one of Mystery's friends and the Mom to the baby shower and they were the only ones that knew until Daisy was a couple weeks old. Mystery began using a crying baby as an excuse for lack of sleep to her teachers! Shoot, she was up sneaking her butt on the phone until all hours and paying ZERO attention to the baby! Daisy got sick at a couple months old. She got one of those things that she was just getting shots for but had already been exposed to. (I can't remember if I've shared this and will have to go back in the achives to see!) She was hospitalized in PICU for just short of a month and I stayed with her 95% of the time she was there. When we came home things at our house had gone haywire! Daddy let the animals run the zoo! Oh, he came and told on them while we were there, but there's only so much I could do by phoning it in!
It has to be right around then that they started going to TW's for more than one night here or there on weekends. About 6 months later I told Daddy that things were changing too much and they were disconnecting. We should keep them home EOW and establish 'normal' with our family. He sounded just plain tired of dealing with conflicts and would only agree to keeping them one weekend a month. That last for about 7 months. Lately I can tell you that I'm tired and relieved when they're gone.
It's because there's nothing here when they're here. I can tell you that I have heard the two of them talking and Mystery has blurted little things when she is ticked off. They don't need me for anything. There is no doubt in my mind that TW has drilled it into their heads that I am nothing to them and they do not need me for anything. If they want something they should never ask me for it. Half of the reason for that is because I insist that they ask in the form of a question with manners. If there's no please in it then I ask them to repeat it. Heck I did the same thing with my bio kids and it didn't kill them! If you want something then ask, instead of telling someone that you want it and expecting them to jump.
An example. We live less than a mile from the school that Mystery attends. I used to get up and give Glory a ride to school when she asked. She got a ride sometimes too, so it was inconsistent. If there was snow on the car then I expected Glory to help me wipe/scrape it off and getting the car warmed up, possibly bundling up Daisy while I did that. Something! Not just at her beck and call. Mystery is a whole different kid though. Because she would have had to phrase it as a question in the first place she wouldn't do it. She informed Daddy that she was going to have him drop her off at MIL's house and she'd have her drive her to school 20 minutes later. Turns out that she informed MIL too. And they did it for most of one year! In the spring MIL apparently put her foot down and told her to walk from here because the weather was nice enough. The next year she began having Daddy bring her to the school when he left for work and she would wait until classes started. Doing this made her arrive 40 minutes before! What teen do you know that wants to get up and go to school 40 minutes before it starts? Heck, almost a half hour before any other kids get there! But all this happens just so she won't have to ask me for a thing.
LOL, she walks a lot of places. She won't ask me, and Daddy has stopped being a constant taxi for her, citing that she needs to ask instead of inform him. Yayyy!! He picks and chooses when he'll go with things like that, but I'll take them where I can get them! In truh she only half makes her plans and then ends up calling him to come and get her when the plans that she said she made don't materialize. I have to say that I don't like that she's 16 yrs old and walks around after dark by herself at times. We're in a pretty quiet residental neighborhood, but sometimes that is not the place to bewalking all by yourself. If I never let Glory do it at that age then why would I want her to? Shoot! Her with her tight jeans and booty all out there and everything! Looking all badass, but it's all a bunch of hype! She can talk a good game, and I think her friends are her friends so that they aren't on her bad side but she's all talk. Trust me!
I'm not trying to pick on her. I'm trying to survive around here. I take so much crap from my step-kids that I would never take from Daddy even. Being ignored to my face, if I ask them to help do something one way then it seems like they bend over backwards NOT to do it. And lied to. They know that Daddy chooses his battle a lot more lax than I do and they rely on that so they can shortcut everything. He gets sick of me telling him about whatever one of them did, but he won't do anything that would allow me to have any final authority. Hey, if he'd let me set a limit and then tell them that if they don't do it he'll make it 3x worse then maybe they'd start listening to me, ya think?
I just know that we are only ever in the same room at the same time for a VERY small percentage of any day. When he's not here neither one of them has no problem ignoring me, walking away while I'm still talking or doing an exact opposite of whatever it was right in front of me. Saying they're sorry means get off my back but I'll do it again every time.
A counselor/shrink would have a field day with us, right!
Then I came along and I was really tight with my kids, especially with Glory. The mother/daughter stuff was a lot of what you'd want it to be, very close and active with each other constantly. So Mystery sees this and probably started to cling to her Daddy a little more for awhile and there was surely some jealousy mixed in there too because she had been the 'house mother' for a couple years.
When I was pregnant with Daisy is probably when it all started changing. Mystery and Glory shared a room and although Glory wasn't around too much they were often at odds with normal stuff like "Stop borowing my clothes!!!" I was harder on Glory about chores and things that I wanted her to be an example of and that had to have sucked for her. I know it did. Worse, nobody cared about the example and they did whateverTF they wanted! Daddy still wouldn't choose a battle about little stuff, but waited until the huge snowball hit! Snow boulder!
So, less attention for Mystery right? Nomal actions/reactions on both sides. Oh, one surprise though. Mystery never told anyone that she had a new sister on the way. Glory invited one of Mystery's friends and the Mom to the baby shower and they were the only ones that knew until Daisy was a couple weeks old. Mystery began using a crying baby as an excuse for lack of sleep to her teachers! Shoot, she was up sneaking her butt on the phone until all hours and paying ZERO attention to the baby! Daisy got sick at a couple months old. She got one of those things that she was just getting shots for but had already been exposed to. (I can't remember if I've shared this and will have to go back in the achives to see!) She was hospitalized in PICU for just short of a month and I stayed with her 95% of the time she was there. When we came home things at our house had gone haywire! Daddy let the animals run the zoo! Oh, he came and told on them while we were there, but there's only so much I could do by phoning it in!
It has to be right around then that they started going to TW's for more than one night here or there on weekends. About 6 months later I told Daddy that things were changing too much and they were disconnecting. We should keep them home EOW and establish 'normal' with our family. He sounded just plain tired of dealing with conflicts and would only agree to keeping them one weekend a month. That last for about 7 months. Lately I can tell you that I'm tired and relieved when they're gone.
It's because there's nothing here when they're here. I can tell you that I have heard the two of them talking and Mystery has blurted little things when she is ticked off. They don't need me for anything. There is no doubt in my mind that TW has drilled it into their heads that I am nothing to them and they do not need me for anything. If they want something they should never ask me for it. Half of the reason for that is because I insist that they ask in the form of a question with manners. If there's no please in it then I ask them to repeat it. Heck I did the same thing with my bio kids and it didn't kill them! If you want something then ask, instead of telling someone that you want it and expecting them to jump.
An example. We live less than a mile from the school that Mystery attends. I used to get up and give Glory a ride to school when she asked. She got a ride sometimes too, so it was inconsistent. If there was snow on the car then I expected Glory to help me wipe/scrape it off and getting the car warmed up, possibly bundling up Daisy while I did that. Something! Not just at her beck and call. Mystery is a whole different kid though. Because she would have had to phrase it as a question in the first place she wouldn't do it. She informed Daddy that she was going to have him drop her off at MIL's house and she'd have her drive her to school 20 minutes later. Turns out that she informed MIL too. And they did it for most of one year! In the spring MIL apparently put her foot down and told her to walk from here because the weather was nice enough. The next year she began having Daddy bring her to the school when he left for work and she would wait until classes started. Doing this made her arrive 40 minutes before! What teen do you know that wants to get up and go to school 40 minutes before it starts? Heck, almost a half hour before any other kids get there! But all this happens just so she won't have to ask me for a thing.
LOL, she walks a lot of places. She won't ask me, and Daddy has stopped being a constant taxi for her, citing that she needs to ask instead of inform him. Yayyy!! He picks and chooses when he'll go with things like that, but I'll take them where I can get them! In truh she only half makes her plans and then ends up calling him to come and get her when the plans that she said she made don't materialize. I have to say that I don't like that she's 16 yrs old and walks around after dark by herself at times. We're in a pretty quiet residental neighborhood, but sometimes that is not the place to bewalking all by yourself. If I never let Glory do it at that age then why would I want her to? Shoot! Her with her tight jeans and booty all out there and everything! Looking all badass, but it's all a bunch of hype! She can talk a good game, and I think her friends are her friends so that they aren't on her bad side but she's all talk. Trust me!
I'm not trying to pick on her. I'm trying to survive around here. I take so much crap from my step-kids that I would never take from Daddy even. Being ignored to my face, if I ask them to help do something one way then it seems like they bend over backwards NOT to do it. And lied to. They know that Daddy chooses his battle a lot more lax than I do and they rely on that so they can shortcut everything. He gets sick of me telling him about whatever one of them did, but he won't do anything that would allow me to have any final authority. Hey, if he'd let me set a limit and then tell them that if they don't do it he'll make it 3x worse then maybe they'd start listening to me, ya think?
I just know that we are only ever in the same room at the same time for a VERY small percentage of any day. When he's not here neither one of them has no problem ignoring me, walking away while I'm still talking or doing an exact opposite of whatever it was right in front of me. Saying they're sorry means get off my back but I'll do it again every time.
A counselor/shrink would have a field day with us, right!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
If you don't like it then just go ask Daddy!
I should preface everything that I say to Jabber and Mystery with that phrase! Because I'm obviously never the final fucking word around here!
The boy needs help with organizing things. Partly because he's a boy and partly because of his ADHD. He has this fun little way of having a fucking answer for everything, even if there wasn't a damn question asked. If he said that's why he did "x" then it's justified. End of story.
Well, maybe it makes fucking sense to him, but that doesn't make it fucking right! It may also not be a big fucking deal, but when you add all the damn little things together then I just plain get screwed. I've tried telling Daddy that since he gets tired of having to come home and straighten things out then maybe if he'd give me a little bit of authority he wouldn't have to! Most of the time my crap is with Jabber just because Mystery doesn't give a crap and I've given up on so many things with her. If she wants to be an ignorant, selfish child and have every damn thing her way then she's going to fucking find out one of these days that it just ain't like that!
She can't get a job. Maybe because she doesn't like know like how to like speak english? Her nervous laugh and then follow up sarcasm probably doesn't impress any prospective employers either. Minimal effort is a typical teen thing and I realize that but when it comes time to MAKE an effort she doesn't even seem to realize what would it would look like to make one. When she isn't getting just what she wants here by simply stating that she has already planned it then she just runs off to MIL's house around the corner. This usually puts me on MIL's glare list and I don't get spoken to for over a month. Whatever. They can baby her all they want and take care of her ass for the rest of her life. I just can't wait until she gets the hell out of this house! I'm not really pissed at her today, but those are some things that are part of the package.
Jabber loses things all the time and forgets them or just plain assumes that someone else will cover his butt. He has more places to put things in his bedroom than anyone else in the house, but every time he has to put things away and he doesn't feel like doing it he makes up a new place for stuff. What is a dresser for? Clothes, right? Well, because he doesn't want to pay attention he has made his top drawer (which used to be for shirts, not underwear like most 'normal' people) into his junk drawer. I do understand a junk drawer, but that means stuff that doesn't have another place to go, right? In his case it's also a transition drawer for stuff that he just didn't feel like putting where it goes. This can include clothes.
One drawer for pants and shorts, one drawer for jammies and long-johns and one for socks, undies and UNDER shirts. Right? Last spring because he decided that he no longer wants to fold shirts he has been hanging ALL of his shirts in the closet, except for pajamas and UNDERS. Want to know why I'm doing that one in all caps? Because it is supposed to be the ones that are worn under! Damn, that was hard, right?! To him that just means the ones that are supposed to be worn under, but if he feels like being 'cool' then he'll wear them wherever. I'm sorry but I don't approve of wife-beater shirts being worn as public clothing. Between that and the pants hanging down your ass I just cringe every time I see them. You DO know that the pants thing started in jail, right? The convicts had to wear jail issue and since you can't wear them too small many had to wear them too big. Then they hang.
NOT something that I believe that ANY of our children should aspire to! Call me old fashioned! Even Charming knows that I will tell him to put a belt on or do something so that I don't have to look at his butt or his drawers. It's funny, but he listens to me when I say that too!
The things that's pissing me off today is that yesterday he decided to start screwing with things and put things where there is no order. If he could do it well then I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it, but it's just another means to escape doing anything without being half-assed. His stuff is thrown in new drawers and the entertainment center. Hey! How about getting some of the junk out of the junk drawer and into there so that you can put clothes in the drawer where they actually belong?! Ok, this isn't even what's pissing me off. Last night I told him that when he finished his daily job (which I had helped him with initially and then he had slacked off on and it could have been done 3 hours earlier instead of waiting until right before bedtime) I told him that it needs to be done the right way. He gets fucking paid to do this job and then he only fucking halfway does it, and expects to get paid?! After doing his job he needed to bring order back to his clothes in the drawers or I would be taking them out and putting some order to them myself, which would mean that he may NEVER find some of them again.
About 10 minutes later while I was putting Daisy to sleep he came upstairs and I heard him whispering to Daddy in our room. He brought some clothes up with him and I'll bet you $1,000,000 that he told his father that he didn't want to put his stuff in order like I asked him to.
Call me a control freak if you wanna', but when I told you something and you fucking run to Daddy to screw me over, then I'm pissed at YOU! Oh yes, Daddy gets it too. He fucking knows better than to think that this is an out of the blue thing with Jabber. Maybe it doesn't make a ton of sense on the choose your battle scale of things, but if I could get some fucking backup on some of the smaller stuff then there wouldn't be as many fucking battles. Just call me tired today. Tired of feeling that they are sponges and all I get is the wrung out nasty stuff that is left in a puddle when you wring it out.
I have to move on to other things today. Guess what I'm doing? I'm in a cleaning mood and I'm going to clean the crap out of some parts of this house! Ha! Daddy will know what that means when he gets home, but my guess is that he won't ask until way later! When he's looking for his stuff!
I have to say too that I don't always cuss that much, or I make it look like I would cuss but try to be a little polite with stars instead of some of the letters. I also have other online communities that I'm a part of. I have a private blog for my family. It's mostly the pretty one. Cute or embarrassing photos of family members are posted there along with the basic updates of things going on. Not real big on the colorful, actual commentary there because it's family that I might not share all of the information with, kwim?
So I come here. They don't know about this blog. Nobody who knows me does and I kind of like it that way because then I can vent like this when I need to. I am part of a message board that are women from a specific topic area and it's private and we all talk about everything there. Well, some things I just don't bring up there too much anymore because they have no clue about step family stuff. In their beautiful world with their beautiful husbands and their beautiful children who sidestep from time to time my stuff about wanting to call the cops on Mystery gets met with complete disbelief and poor you responses. Go to counseling. Screw that! I want someone that reads to tell me that she sure did sound like she was out of line, being a bitch or whatever was the case at the time.
How about the rest of you? I mean the four of you that come by here more than once? Do others know that you blog? Read your stuff? Are they IRL folks or online pals that know you from another group? Ever get an itch to reveal youself?
The boy needs help with organizing things. Partly because he's a boy and partly because of his ADHD. He has this fun little way of having a fucking answer for everything, even if there wasn't a damn question asked. If he said that's why he did "x" then it's justified. End of story.
Well, maybe it makes fucking sense to him, but that doesn't make it fucking right! It may also not be a big fucking deal, but when you add all the damn little things together then I just plain get screwed. I've tried telling Daddy that since he gets tired of having to come home and straighten things out then maybe if he'd give me a little bit of authority he wouldn't have to! Most of the time my crap is with Jabber just because Mystery doesn't give a crap and I've given up on so many things with her. If she wants to be an ignorant, selfish child and have every damn thing her way then she's going to fucking find out one of these days that it just ain't like that!
She can't get a job. Maybe because she doesn't like know like how to like speak english? Her nervous laugh and then follow up sarcasm probably doesn't impress any prospective employers either. Minimal effort is a typical teen thing and I realize that but when it comes time to MAKE an effort she doesn't even seem to realize what would it would look like to make one. When she isn't getting just what she wants here by simply stating that she has already planned it then she just runs off to MIL's house around the corner. This usually puts me on MIL's glare list and I don't get spoken to for over a month. Whatever. They can baby her all they want and take care of her ass for the rest of her life. I just can't wait until she gets the hell out of this house! I'm not really pissed at her today, but those are some things that are part of the package.
Jabber loses things all the time and forgets them or just plain assumes that someone else will cover his butt. He has more places to put things in his bedroom than anyone else in the house, but every time he has to put things away and he doesn't feel like doing it he makes up a new place for stuff. What is a dresser for? Clothes, right? Well, because he doesn't want to pay attention he has made his top drawer (which used to be for shirts, not underwear like most 'normal' people) into his junk drawer. I do understand a junk drawer, but that means stuff that doesn't have another place to go, right? In his case it's also a transition drawer for stuff that he just didn't feel like putting where it goes. This can include clothes.
One drawer for pants and shorts, one drawer for jammies and long-johns and one for socks, undies and UNDER shirts. Right? Last spring because he decided that he no longer wants to fold shirts he has been hanging ALL of his shirts in the closet, except for pajamas and UNDERS. Want to know why I'm doing that one in all caps? Because it is supposed to be the ones that are worn under! Damn, that was hard, right?! To him that just means the ones that are supposed to be worn under, but if he feels like being 'cool' then he'll wear them wherever. I'm sorry but I don't approve of wife-beater shirts being worn as public clothing. Between that and the pants hanging down your ass I just cringe every time I see them. You DO know that the pants thing started in jail, right? The convicts had to wear jail issue and since you can't wear them too small many had to wear them too big. Then they hang.
NOT something that I believe that ANY of our children should aspire to! Call me old fashioned! Even Charming knows that I will tell him to put a belt on or do something so that I don't have to look at his butt or his drawers. It's funny, but he listens to me when I say that too!
The things that's pissing me off today is that yesterday he decided to start screwing with things and put things where there is no order. If he could do it well then I wouldn't have as much of a problem with it, but it's just another means to escape doing anything without being half-assed. His stuff is thrown in new drawers and the entertainment center. Hey! How about getting some of the junk out of the junk drawer and into there so that you can put clothes in the drawer where they actually belong?! Ok, this isn't even what's pissing me off. Last night I told him that when he finished his daily job (which I had helped him with initially and then he had slacked off on and it could have been done 3 hours earlier instead of waiting until right before bedtime) I told him that it needs to be done the right way. He gets fucking paid to do this job and then he only fucking halfway does it, and expects to get paid?! After doing his job he needed to bring order back to his clothes in the drawers or I would be taking them out and putting some order to them myself, which would mean that he may NEVER find some of them again.
About 10 minutes later while I was putting Daisy to sleep he came upstairs and I heard him whispering to Daddy in our room. He brought some clothes up with him and I'll bet you $1,000,000 that he told his father that he didn't want to put his stuff in order like I asked him to.
Call me a control freak if you wanna', but when I told you something and you fucking run to Daddy to screw me over, then I'm pissed at YOU! Oh yes, Daddy gets it too. He fucking knows better than to think that this is an out of the blue thing with Jabber. Maybe it doesn't make a ton of sense on the choose your battle scale of things, but if I could get some fucking backup on some of the smaller stuff then there wouldn't be as many fucking battles. Just call me tired today. Tired of feeling that they are sponges and all I get is the wrung out nasty stuff that is left in a puddle when you wring it out.
I have to move on to other things today. Guess what I'm doing? I'm in a cleaning mood and I'm going to clean the crap out of some parts of this house! Ha! Daddy will know what that means when he gets home, but my guess is that he won't ask until way later! When he's looking for his stuff!
I have to say too that I don't always cuss that much, or I make it look like I would cuss but try to be a little polite with stars instead of some of the letters. I also have other online communities that I'm a part of. I have a private blog for my family. It's mostly the pretty one. Cute or embarrassing photos of family members are posted there along with the basic updates of things going on. Not real big on the colorful, actual commentary there because it's family that I might not share all of the information with, kwim?
So I come here. They don't know about this blog. Nobody who knows me does and I kind of like it that way because then I can vent like this when I need to. I am part of a message board that are women from a specific topic area and it's private and we all talk about everything there. Well, some things I just don't bring up there too much anymore because they have no clue about step family stuff. In their beautiful world with their beautiful husbands and their beautiful children who sidestep from time to time my stuff about wanting to call the cops on Mystery gets met with complete disbelief and poor you responses. Go to counseling. Screw that! I want someone that reads to tell me that she sure did sound like she was out of line, being a bitch or whatever was the case at the time.
How about the rest of you? I mean the four of you that come by here more than once? Do others know that you blog? Read your stuff? Are they IRL folks or online pals that know you from another group? Ever get an itch to reveal youself?
Thursday, September 11, 2008
I am NOT a Martha wannabe!
OMG I don't believe that I'm doing this! Remember the new baby in our extended family? Well, this is an in-law thing. Actually there's the one that came early and another family member due at the end of next month, sibling to the first one!
So the grandmother of the new babies decided that they would have a joint baby shower. Something about not having to figure out how to do equal but separate showers. Whatever! My in-laws are procrastinators. They got the hall set up as far as the rental and all the rules and stuff, with the decorating taking place that morning. Oh, and it's this weekend by the way.
So my MIL weeds things through to me. I've spoken to the grandmother a couple times and she asked if I could do 'this' and 'this' and what I would need. It's computer graphics, why wouldn't I be able to do it?! No supplies purchased since July and nobody has shown up to select graphics. We live about 6 miles apart!
Now my MIL wants me to do something and participate. At the very least to not be left out. She somehow decided to make those colored chocolate lollipops and candies in molds. Egads! I am NOT the one! I can do a whole lot of homey, crafty stuff and I can do it pretty darn well. I just don't like this little crap! Ok, I'm not a big chocolate eater anyway, but it's more than just chocolate. They have to have ribbons around the little baggies and a plastic trinket attached. I'm sorry, but some of these frills are lost on me!
But I told MIL that I'd do it with her. Ha! I corralled Mystery into it just by waiting until MIL asked if she wanted to and then I asked her to choose the day we'd do it! Daisy came with us because it's a girl thing. If here's any kind of shower, that's a girl thing and I was raised with age not being a factor in that. All girls come!
We went to make them today and she bought chocolate that SUCKS! It melts and then before all the chunks melt some of it is overheated and starts burning! WTF?! We did that with 4 bags and decided that it just wasn't cutting it. Now I get to go pick up more bags for MIL tomorrow during the day (since I don't work and don't have a thing planned for any weekday, ever)! Next she says that she's going to make them herself tomorrow! Um, NOoooooo! It's too big of a job on the scale that she's talking about! I also dont' want to go back and spend the whole night at her house again tomorrow. So I offer to take the whole box of supplies and get started on it tomorrow. This is going to screw up my entire day! I'm thinking that I'm making some big points with my MIL! LOL, I'd better! I'm going to miss you all tomorrow! (Unless I say screw it and go at a snails pace and end up taking maybe 19 hours to do it! LOL, how much candy can 60 women eat?!
Wish me luck!
So the grandmother of the new babies decided that they would have a joint baby shower. Something about not having to figure out how to do equal but separate showers. Whatever! My in-laws are procrastinators. They got the hall set up as far as the rental and all the rules and stuff, with the decorating taking place that morning. Oh, and it's this weekend by the way.
So my MIL weeds things through to me. I've spoken to the grandmother a couple times and she asked if I could do 'this' and 'this' and what I would need. It's computer graphics, why wouldn't I be able to do it?! No supplies purchased since July and nobody has shown up to select graphics. We live about 6 miles apart!
Now my MIL wants me to do something and participate. At the very least to not be left out. She somehow decided to make those colored chocolate lollipops and candies in molds. Egads! I am NOT the one! I can do a whole lot of homey, crafty stuff and I can do it pretty darn well. I just don't like this little crap! Ok, I'm not a big chocolate eater anyway, but it's more than just chocolate. They have to have ribbons around the little baggies and a plastic trinket attached. I'm sorry, but some of these frills are lost on me!
But I told MIL that I'd do it with her. Ha! I corralled Mystery into it just by waiting until MIL asked if she wanted to and then I asked her to choose the day we'd do it! Daisy came with us because it's a girl thing. If here's any kind of shower, that's a girl thing and I was raised with age not being a factor in that. All girls come!
We went to make them today and she bought chocolate that SUCKS! It melts and then before all the chunks melt some of it is overheated and starts burning! WTF?! We did that with 4 bags and decided that it just wasn't cutting it. Now I get to go pick up more bags for MIL tomorrow during the day (since I don't work and don't have a thing planned for any weekday, ever)! Next she says that she's going to make them herself tomorrow! Um, NOoooooo! It's too big of a job on the scale that she's talking about! I also dont' want to go back and spend the whole night at her house again tomorrow. So I offer to take the whole box of supplies and get started on it tomorrow. This is going to screw up my entire day! I'm thinking that I'm making some big points with my MIL! LOL, I'd better! I'm going to miss you all tomorrow! (Unless I say screw it and go at a snails pace and end up taking maybe 19 hours to do it! LOL, how much candy can 60 women eat?!
Wish me luck!
It's that tone
The tone that drives me nuts. The tone that they don't speak to me in, but I get to listen to them speak to just about everyone else with. It's not just a teen thing because they've been perfecting this one for years. Years before I came on the scene. Trust me!
First of all you have to hear it. Picture one word. Daddy. Now take that word and put a whine on it. Now take that word (and whine) and add a WhyTF are you bothering me tone that makes it into a question. Now hear that just about every time Mystery is approached by her father last night. Jabber doesn't do it often (thank godness), but he does know how.
Daddy says "Here Mystery, make sure that you come over here and wash the grease off the stove where it splattered."
We hear "Daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and then "I didn't do over there yet!" Whatever! We've BTDT and know what we're talking about! It wouldn't be the first time! Oh, and along with the WhyTF part comes a stop bothering me part to it that is either implied by tone or sometimes actually spoken out loud.
But doesn't that sound just piss you off to have to hear it? It does for me! When you think about it I can tell you for a certainty that she knows not to speak to ME in that voice because not only will I call her on it, but if I have to tell on her I will! Most of all just calling her on it works by now, but trust me that in the first couple of years she felt that she could speak to me in any way she wanted to. So why does she speak to other people like that? Because they LET her!
My guess is that most of them don't care. Or care enough. I can tell you that Daddy and his family (MIL, SIL) don't feel like bothering with redirecting. In my opinion they are all doing a great disservice to anyone in earshot and also to the child who learns that this form of communicating is acceptable and normal. This girl speaks like the world owes her something most of the time. And she wonders why she can't get a job!
Tell me please. Is it just me that thinks that this is nuts? That raising children who speak their mind without consideration for others is not doing them any favors? All about me. Ugh!
I've already raised a couple of kids and it didn't kill them that I didn't allow this form of expression. I guess it concerns me more because besides it being totally irritating to have to listen to, I have a young child here. One that copies from her siblings and believes that they are examples for her. It's funny but Daddy often shows that he has similar expectations of her that I do, but he doesn't have the same for Mystery and Jabber. Ugh! Like he already gave up on them?
Talk to me?
First of all you have to hear it. Picture one word. Daddy. Now take that word and put a whine on it. Now take that word (and whine) and add a WhyTF are you bothering me tone that makes it into a question. Now hear that just about every time Mystery is approached by her father last night. Jabber doesn't do it often (thank godness), but he does know how.Daddy says "Here Mystery, make sure that you come over here and wash the grease off the stove where it splattered."
We hear "Daddy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and then "I didn't do over there yet!" Whatever! We've BTDT and know what we're talking about! It wouldn't be the first time! Oh, and along with the WhyTF part comes a stop bothering me part to it that is either implied by tone or sometimes actually spoken out loud.
But doesn't that sound just piss you off to have to hear it? It does for me! When you think about it I can tell you for a certainty that she knows not to speak to ME in that voice because not only will I call her on it, but if I have to tell on her I will! Most of all just calling her on it works by now, but trust me that in the first couple of years she felt that she could speak to me in any way she wanted to. So why does she speak to other people like that? Because they LET her!
My guess is that most of them don't care. Or care enough. I can tell you that Daddy and his family (MIL, SIL) don't feel like bothering with redirecting. In my opinion they are all doing a great disservice to anyone in earshot and also to the child who learns that this form of communicating is acceptable and normal. This girl speaks like the world owes her something most of the time. And she wonders why she can't get a job!
Tell me please. Is it just me that thinks that this is nuts? That raising children who speak their mind without consideration for others is not doing them any favors? All about me. Ugh!
I've already raised a couple of kids and it didn't kill them that I didn't allow this form of expression. I guess it concerns me more because besides it being totally irritating to have to listen to, I have a young child here. One that copies from her siblings and believes that they are examples for her. It's funny but Daddy often shows that he has similar expectations of her that I do, but he doesn't have the same for Mystery and Jabber. Ugh! Like he already gave up on them?
Talk to me?
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Just Charming
My 
son is just that. It was not hard at all to find a name for him when I started this blog, not hard at all!
son is just that. It was not hard at all to find a name for him when I started this blog, not hard at all!Daisy and I saw him last week for only a few minutes while he was at work. He lives almost an hour away from us and hasn't come to our house since last spring, so when we're in town we say hello even if it's only a hit and run kind of thing. When you've only got a couple of minutes part of me says that you really try to make the best of them, couldn't you?
Ok, maybe I'm a little jealous. He told me that he spent time at XI's family summer place over Labor Day weekend. That's not a surprise because he's been doing that most of his life. I do get one holiday by the way and that's Christmas Eve. Without fail he has been here even since he has grown and left the next. (When they were growing up he and Glory spent one year with XI and Sparkle in CE but we vowed never to do that again because it was just so unusual. That and those two split up!) Anyway, sometimes it sort of sucks to not be considered for a holiday.
What ticks me off though is that XI's other kid was there with his family from out of state. Remember the kid that is only a couple months younger than Glory and also related to them on that same side of the family. His mother - the bitch that screwed my husband and then when she had her kid and I tried to figure out how to have an extended family with - asked Charming how his sister Daisy and I are doing. Dumbass Charming says that we're doing fine and then gave them the generic update.
When he told me this I grimaced and he got that WTF look on his face. Then he said that I should be giving her credit for making an effort at being nice. This was where I got the WTF look on my face! I just wish like hell that he'd understand that she could give a rat's ass about me and his sister, but she is making an effort to communicate with him. And show care and concern? Yeah, right! She probably knows that he doesn't know any better and that the only reason to mention us is that she has no clue about anything in his life.
I despise very few people in my life and it's not like this is a forgiving thing. It's more like you are so stupid and selfish and the last thing that I want to do is feed into your life in any way, shape or form. Don't fucking use me to get to my kid! IF she and I were to ever cross paths again there is no chance on the planet that I would share any information with her except maybe that I've wondered if she's still as big of a bitch as she was back then!
I just felt like beefing about that one. Let's see if there's anything better to write about soon! I don't really like thinking about that crap!
Friday, September 5, 2008
When it all happens in a short time!
Geez I hate when I don't have the brain power or energy to update and get behind! Let' see how much of this I can squeeze in and process as competent thoughts! I guess a list might help and is worth a try.
- Top of the list has to be that I went to the neurologist and he put me on BP medication. I woke up the first day and the fucking buzzing isn't going on in my head! Yeah, I don't usually spell that word out without a star or something in it, but this calls for the real deal! He said that I probably never had TMJ or sinus infections, but have definitely got a migraine thing going on and it seems to be at it's peak because of my age and hormones. The buzzing thing isn't really buzzing, but a fuzzy vision and probably a light-headed, disoriented feeling that I've had for 2 years! Two frikkin years ago I went in to get checked for it and they sent me to the eye Doc and said that I was fine except that for the pre-glaucoma stuff. But that's still in the "pre" stage. How bad would that tick you off that you've been telling people for 2 frikkin years and this one itty-bitty, tiny pill takes away that? Now I'm just hoping that it's not a honeymoon stage with the meds and it will go away again!
- School started for the 2 kiddos here. Yes, that means that Mystery is back here after spending the summer with TW. It was nice while it lasted. Daisy is in 7th heaven to have her sister here and someone else to hang out with. Her fingernails are now being polished on a daily basis! The downside is that we're seeing a bit of an attitude in our 3 year old. (Wonder where she's learning that?!) Exactly what I've been afraid of, but it's not going un-noticed and even Daddy sees some of it and is addressing it. Funny thing is that he also addresses it with Mystery and not just Daisy, but Mystery never got called on some of this stuff before! Yeah for having taken a break and realizing what you don't miss and overlooked before!
- Jabber's moved in to his new bedroom! He's downstairs now and not up here bouncing around, keeping Daisy all excited and impossible to get to sleep! He was very excited to come home from TW's and find that we had basically moved him in while he was gone. There are 2 small things that need finishing touches in the room, but they're almost un-noticable so he could really care less!
- The new baby that was born a 30 week premie was released from the hospital last week when she made it up to 4 pounds! She is the tiniest thing, but with no medical concerns for health problems because of her prematurity. I've heard that as far as premie statistics go she's in the highest category for success by her gender and race, and that is surely an advantage here! The shower for her and the other new baby girl that is due at the end of October is coming up and my ILs that are involved in the planning of this are waiting for everything to be done last minute. "Oh Mimi, can you make 'these' on the computer for the shower?" Well sh*t, what can't I make for them on the computer? It's just some graphics on labels! Of course I have no materials to work with at this point and they've been asking me about it for over 2 months, but I'm sure they'll want me to pull it out of my ass at the last minute! LOL, that and bake or cook something!
- Glory update. Her EDD passed last week and we spoke on the phone a couple of times that day. She sang Happy Birthday and sounds wistful about trying to get pregnant again. I'm crossing my fingers that she and her hubby (I'm going to have to think of another name for him because Glory-Be doesn't feel like it's cutting it!) have to have a few more of their ducks lined up before they try again. So many things might not have had to be as hard as they were when she had her miscarriage if they'd been more 'set'. (Like in jobs, where rent is coming from, etc.!)
- Oh, Glory gets two numbers here. She also called me and told me that the camera that I sent to her got stolen. They were out of town, partying with 'friends' and the only possibility here is that one of them stole it out of the console of the car when she and her DH ran in a store. WhoTF hangs out with people that steal from you?!! Part of the ducks in a row thing is about not hanging out with these kind of people! I know that my Glory isn't perfect but these are not people that she finds, her husband does. I never wanted to be one of those MIL's, but this kind of crap could bring me to it.
- It's been 20 years this week since the SIDS baby "T" died. Daisy and I went and got some flowers and brought them to the cemetery. I haven't talked to T's Mom in many years because I moved almost an hour away and I'd love to be able to but not sure if she would be at this point. Remembering back to when he died I know that she said that they buried him there because there were people that would remember him and I want to make sure that she somehow knows that I'm still among them.
- I saw Charming for a couple minutes after going to the cemetery. This one's going to get a whole post of it's own as soon as I get to it because I just looked back and can't seem to find some information that I thought I've shared here before. I'll get back to you later on this!
- That's enough for now! I actually have to get my butt up from sitting today and do some running around! I'll be back though!
PS. dragonmctt, thanks for the comment recently on the old ADHD post! I'm going to be goo.gling and then maybe shoot you an email to see if you have more info or links to share! It sounds like our guy in most every way that you listed!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Would there be, could there be
a time when you can imagine getting along with the former spouse? Right after hell freezes over you say?! Yepper, same here!
She used to love me! In all fairness to her that was years before, and I was involved in the life of only one of her children then. I was Mystery's pre-K teacher. I was also the visiting cousin's teacher the year before that so I had some exposure to some family members but not a lot. TW used to be the one that came and do the drop-off and pick-up, and I only met Mystery's father one time when he came to pick up. That would be when Jabber was born, and I don't think I even knew that TW was pregnant until my future SIL (who worked at the same pace) told me about her new nephew.
But the sun used to rise and set with me! I was a pretty darn cool pre-K teacher and TW knew that she loved the way that the year went for Mystery. When Jabber got old enough we knew that he would go into my classroom just because I had a prior relationship with the family. That's just the way it was done around there. TW was so happy that he got put in my class and the sun rose and set with me again! A couple weeks later they moved Jabber only because they were re-assigning by birthdates and he was 6 months too young for my classroom. It's a much longer story than this but it was several months later when I began dating Daddy. Because of ethics and all I was not going to get nailed for "Daddy chasing". You can imagine what a huge taboo that was?! I wasn't hated until a month or so after that when TW found out what 'the girlfriend's' name was. Now I'm pond scum. Whatever. The information that I had on her by that time didn't make me want to hang with her anyway!
I do know how to be friendly with others. Look at me and Sparkles! If that don't beat all, right?! TW decided early on that she was going to be a bitch toward me and that's just the way it was. I can see resenting that someone else spends more time with your kids, but then go ahead and spend that time yourself!! You could have been doing that all along!
I do wish that she could be more of a human being. It's just not possible, I swear! Whatever she does she must poison her children so that they have "0" (that a zero!) respect for me and will try to buck the system around here wherever possible. I swear that I'm going to give her 90% credit for all of the hating that Mystery has bestowed on me! For the first couple of years here she still stayed in the background and had little to do with her kids. When Daisy was born and Mystery wanted more attention, she somehow seemed to either forgive TW for the years of abandonment or decided that it was payback time and she was going to guilt TW into it.
I just can't picture TW dropping her hateful stance toward me. If she were to ever do so I can picture her trying to communicate with me before she might try to with Daddy because he really isn't into giving her any more chances for much of anything. That would be a very long road, though one that I just can't imagine travelling.
So... would you, could you imagine getting along with your spouse's former spouse?
She used to love me! In all fairness to her that was years before, and I was involved in the life of only one of her children then. I was Mystery's pre-K teacher. I was also the visiting cousin's teacher the year before that so I had some exposure to some family members but not a lot. TW used to be the one that came and do the drop-off and pick-up, and I only met Mystery's father one time when he came to pick up. That would be when Jabber was born, and I don't think I even knew that TW was pregnant until my future SIL (who worked at the same pace) told me about her new nephew.
But the sun used to rise and set with me! I was a pretty darn cool pre-K teacher and TW knew that she loved the way that the year went for Mystery. When Jabber got old enough we knew that he would go into my classroom just because I had a prior relationship with the family. That's just the way it was done around there. TW was so happy that he got put in my class and the sun rose and set with me again! A couple weeks later they moved Jabber only because they were re-assigning by birthdates and he was 6 months too young for my classroom. It's a much longer story than this but it was several months later when I began dating Daddy. Because of ethics and all I was not going to get nailed for "Daddy chasing". You can imagine what a huge taboo that was?! I wasn't hated until a month or so after that when TW found out what 'the girlfriend's' name was. Now I'm pond scum. Whatever. The information that I had on her by that time didn't make me want to hang with her anyway!
I do know how to be friendly with others. Look at me and Sparkles! If that don't beat all, right?! TW decided early on that she was going to be a bitch toward me and that's just the way it was. I can see resenting that someone else spends more time with your kids, but then go ahead and spend that time yourself!! You could have been doing that all along!
I do wish that she could be more of a human being. It's just not possible, I swear! Whatever she does she must poison her children so that they have "0" (that a zero!) respect for me and will try to buck the system around here wherever possible. I swear that I'm going to give her 90% credit for all of the hating that Mystery has bestowed on me! For the first couple of years here she still stayed in the background and had little to do with her kids. When Daisy was born and Mystery wanted more attention, she somehow seemed to either forgive TW for the years of abandonment or decided that it was payback time and she was going to guilt TW into it.
I just can't picture TW dropping her hateful stance toward me. If she were to ever do so I can picture her trying to communicate with me before she might try to with Daddy because he really isn't into giving her any more chances for much of anything. That would be a very long road, though one that I just can't imagine travelling.
So... would you, could you imagine getting along with your spouse's former spouse?
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Would it bug you?
I made this totally dumb graphic, just because posts look totally boring if all there is in front of you is type, right? That and I wanted to illustrate some circumventing. Let me know if the arrow is what did it for you, ok?
When a divorce happens the parents are supposed to go through the parents and their own relatives, right? Daddy doesn't contact TW's family and invite the cousins over, leaving TW completely out of the loop. That is, of course laughable (because cousins live with TW's mother while their parents are 'unable' to care for them) that Daddy would interact in a friendly tone with the woman that wants to talk crap about me in front of his children at every opportunity and interject that she is somehow in charge of said interactions. It's relayed information from Jabber about the heresay stuff, but not something that we doubt at all.
My SIL has been doing a back and forth thing between TW's house and hers for a couple years now. Yes, Mystery is constantly at TW's house. Hey, if she had to come home to see this side of her family do you think that she may not have been around and participated here a little more? Less alienated (although it feels like she who has done the alienating)?
Mystery calls cousin, cousin goes over to hang out. SIL is usually happy because that's one less kid around asking for a ride somewhere, to go buy something or otherwise crawl up her last nerve. It's not like SIL and TW are friends either. They don't speak to one another unless they have to and when that happens it is quite strained because they know that something is up. SIL has called here and griped when TW dumps on her and we end up telling SIL that she'll do it if you let her! I wish SIL would keep it to herself because she never involves us in her swap-offs with TW the rest of the time when it's convenient for her, why now?! Share the agony? Hell, we don't let her do most of that crap to us anymore! LOL, she'll have to learn all by herself!
But it bugs the hell out of me that SIL does this. She's MY SIL now and she should be having the back and forth cousins stuff between us and them, not TW! It feels like this is just another of the ways that Mystery has been allowed to blow us off here. Every now and then I don't want to give up on her, usually after she hasn't been in my face for some time. Heck, it's been over a week since she made my blood pressure rise, right? Time to give her another chance?
Twenty-one more days until Mystery's first day of school. I'm guessing that she'll move back here (from staying at TW's all summer) on the day before, possibly after suppertime that day. I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish that I could 'fix' all the stuff between us. I don't know how to. Anyone that thinks that going to a counselor would help would be right if it were an option. Daddy and his family are of the opinion that those people are quacks and only for crazy people. That they get in your business and would never know the real story anyway, so why go and expose yourself? I can tell you right now that nobody from here (aside from me) would go unless they were court ordered to do so, and even then wouldn't actually cooperate. Sucks for me because I've had some useful experience with counseling and I know the value of it.
Go by myself to at least get something started/done? Yes, I am thank you very much. With all the health crap going on with me right now it's time for me to bring my anxiety level down and I have to try, with ot without them. I have an appointment and don't look forward to going and having to share information with an unknown person, but they don't give you meds unless you do, right?!
So for today, just tell me if it's just me? Would it bug you if your in-laws interact with the ex and leave you and your spouse out of the loop entirely?
When a divorce happens the parents are supposed to go through the parents and their own relatives, right? Daddy doesn't contact TW's family and invite the cousins over, leaving TW completely out of the loop. That is, of course laughable (because cousins live with TW's mother while their parents are 'unable' to care for them) that Daddy would interact in a friendly tone with the woman that wants to talk crap about me in front of his children at every opportunity and interject that she is somehow in charge of said interactions. It's relayed information from Jabber about the heresay stuff, but not something that we doubt at all.My SIL has been doing a back and forth thing between TW's house and hers for a couple years now. Yes, Mystery is constantly at TW's house. Hey, if she had to come home to see this side of her family do you think that she may not have been around and participated here a little more? Less alienated (although it feels like she who has done the alienating)?
Mystery calls cousin, cousin goes over to hang out. SIL is usually happy because that's one less kid around asking for a ride somewhere, to go buy something or otherwise crawl up her last nerve. It's not like SIL and TW are friends either. They don't speak to one another unless they have to and when that happens it is quite strained because they know that something is up. SIL has called here and griped when TW dumps on her and we end up telling SIL that she'll do it if you let her! I wish SIL would keep it to herself because she never involves us in her swap-offs with TW the rest of the time when it's convenient for her, why now?! Share the agony? Hell, we don't let her do most of that crap to us anymore! LOL, she'll have to learn all by herself!
But it bugs the hell out of me that SIL does this. She's MY SIL now and she should be having the back and forth cousins stuff between us and them, not TW! It feels like this is just another of the ways that Mystery has been allowed to blow us off here. Every now and then I don't want to give up on her, usually after she hasn't been in my face for some time. Heck, it's been over a week since she made my blood pressure rise, right? Time to give her another chance?
Twenty-one more days until Mystery's first day of school. I'm guessing that she'll move back here (from staying at TW's all summer) on the day before, possibly after suppertime that day. I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish that I could 'fix' all the stuff between us. I don't know how to. Anyone that thinks that going to a counselor would help would be right if it were an option. Daddy and his family are of the opinion that those people are quacks and only for crazy people. That they get in your business and would never know the real story anyway, so why go and expose yourself? I can tell you right now that nobody from here (aside from me) would go unless they were court ordered to do so, and even then wouldn't actually cooperate. Sucks for me because I've had some useful experience with counseling and I know the value of it.
Go by myself to at least get something started/done? Yes, I am thank you very much. With all the health crap going on with me right now it's time for me to bring my anxiety level down and I have to try, with ot without them. I have an appointment and don't look forward to going and having to share information with an unknown person, but they don't give you meds unless you do, right?!
So for today, just tell me if it's just me? Would it bug you if your in-laws interact with the ex and leave you and your spouse out of the loop entirely?
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