When it all happens in a short time!

Geez I hate when I don't have the brain power or energy to update and get behind! Let' see how much of this I can squeeze in and process as competent thoughts! I guess a list might help and is worth a try.

1. Top of the list has to be that I went to the neurologist and he put me on BP medication. I woke up the first day and the fucking buzzing isn't going on in my head! Yeah, I don't usually spell that word out without a star or something in it, but this calls for the real deal! He said that I probably never had TMJ or sinus infections, but have definitely got a migraine thing going on and it seems to be at it's peak because of my age and hormones. The buzzing thing isn't really buzzing, but a fuzzy vision and probably a light-headed, disoriented feeling that I've had for 2 years! Two frikkin years ago I went in to get checked for it and they sent me to the eye Doc and said that I was fine except that for the pre-glaucoma stuff. But that's still in the "pre" stage. How bad would that tick you off that you've been telling people for 2 frikkin years and this one itty-bitty, tiny pill takes away that? Now I'm just hoping that it's not a honeymoon stage with the meds and it will go away again!
2. School started for the 2 kiddos here. Yes, that means that Mystery is back here after spending the summer with TW. It was nice while it lasted. Daisy is in 7th heaven to have her sister here and someone else to hang out with. Her fingernails are now being polished on a daily basis! The downside is that we're seeing a bit of an attitude in our 3 year old. (Wonder where she's learning that?!) Exactly what I've been afraid of, but it's not going un-noticed and even Daddy sees some of it and is addressing it. Funny thing is that he also addresses it with Mystery and not just Daisy, but Mystery never got called on some of this stuff before! Yeah for having taken a break and realizing what you don't miss and overlooked before!
3. Jabber's moved in to his new bedroom! He's downstairs now and not up here bouncing around, keeping Daisy all excited and impossible to get to sleep! He was very excited to come home from TW's and find that we had basically moved him in while he was gone. There are 2 small things that need finishing touches in the room, but they're almost un-noticable so he could really care less!
4. The new baby that was born a 30 week premie was released from the hospital last week when she made it up to 4 pounds! She is the tiniest thing, but with no medical concerns for health problems because of her prematurity. I've heard that as far as premie statistics go she's in the highest category for success by her gender and race, and that is surely an advantage here! The shower for her and the other new baby girl that is due at the end of October is coming up and my ILs that are involved in the planning of this are waiting for everything to be done last minute. "Oh Mimi, can you make 'these' on the computer for the shower?" Well sh*t, what can't I make for them on the computer? It's just some graphics on labels! Of course I have no materials to work with at this point and they've been asking me about it for over 2 months, but I'm sure they'll want me to pull it out of my ass at the last minute! LOL, that and bake or cook something!
5. Glory update. Her EDD passed last week and we spoke on the phone a couple of times that day. She sang Happy Birthday and sounds wistful about trying to get pregnant again. I'm crossing my fingers that she and her hubby (I'm going to have to think of another name for him because Glory-Be doesn't feel like it's cutting it!) have to have a few more of their ducks lined up before they try again. So many things might not have had to be as hard as they were when she had her miscarriage if they'd been more 'set'. (Like in jobs, where rent is coming from, etc.!)
6. Oh, Glory gets two numbers here. She also called me and told me that the camera that I sent to her got stolen. They were out of town, partying with 'friends' and the only possibility here is that one of them stole it out of the console of the car when she and her DH ran in a store. WhoTF hangs out with people that steal from you?!! Part of the ducks in a row thing is about not hanging out with these kind of people! I know that my Glory isn't perfect but these are not people that she finds, her husband does. I never wanted to be one of those MIL's, but this kind of crap could bring me to it.
7. It's been 20 years this week since the SIDS baby "T" died. Daisy and I went and got some flowers and brought them to the cemetery. I haven't talked to T's Mom in many years because I moved almost an hour away and I'd love to be able to but not sure if she would be at this point. Remembering back to when he died I know that she said that they buried him there because there were people that would remember him and I want to make sure that she somehow knows that I'm still among them.
8. I saw Charming for a couple minutes after going to the cemetery. This one's going to get a whole post of it's own as soon as I get to it because I just looked back and can't seem to find some information that I thought I've shared here before. I'll get back to you later on this!
9. That's enough for now! I actually have to get my butt up from sitting today and do some running around! I'll be back though!

PS. dragonmctt, thanks for the comment recently on the old ADHD post! I'm going to be goo.gling and then maybe shoot you an email to see if you have more info or links to share! It sounds like our guy in most every way that you listed!

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You wouldn't think it could catch me off-guard

after almost 20 years. I was watching Daisy playing with the Little Boy next door that is only months younger than her. They were filling watering cans from her little wading pool and and then bringing them to the mailbox to 'help water the flowers', aka dump it in the road. They were having so much fun, giggling and following each other back and forth. Waiting for the other one to catch up.

While talking to his mother I said something about how I can picture them growing up being best friends, riding bicycles together, walking to the bus stop and just knowing that their best buddy lives right next door.

Then it made me tear up because that was what I had talked about quite often with T's mother. How he and Glory were supposed to grow up together from babies and be the very best of friends all through school and then some. Seeing our kiddos now I know that Glory and T would have enjoyed each other as much as these two little ones do. For a few minutes it brought a rush of the unfairness of his death fresh in my mind. I talked about him a little and was surprised that it rushed in on me the way that it did. It's probably because this is a milestone year. Gosh, 20 years. I may not be near to where he rests or his parent's live, but I will NEVER forget.

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About Infertility and Infant Loss

Let's see how long this gets. I haven't said why I've been interested in those things and I guess I ought to give a little background.

You've seen the roster on the side, right? I have older kids and a very young kiddo by birth. The first two... piece of cake! Not planned and very pleasant and welcome surprises in my life! Then we have the 12+ years as a single parent, the beginning years of my relationship with Daddy, and turning 40! I sure knew that I wanted another baby, sure knew that I never wanted another EOW Daddy, and that I finally found the man for the job! LOL, not his only job (to make a baby!) but on the list of things for our lives together! At my 40th birthday he wasn't ready, but finally came around in the end of 2003. Since I wasn't sure if scarring in my tubes was going to be a problem by this age I didn't wait long before I went to an RE to get tested. Tick-tock and all, you know?

Clear tubes but High FSH. Old eggs. DE or forget about it. The dude was very blunt and not forthcoming with information, it really felt like he wanted to get me off his books fast. I found some message boards and tried a bunch of natural changes in diet and lifestyle and also a new RE that would help. Just before we were prepping for an IUI it happened all on it's own and I have my baby Daisy! FSH Fluctuates! Please remember that!

On to the next part. Infant loss is an old and new experience for me and I have had it happen around me vs to my physically. This year will be 20 years since a little guy (we'll call him T) that I cared for died of SIDS in my home. I'd cared for him since he was a couple months old and he and Glory were supposed to be able to start their growing years together. It was after a long weekend and he seemed to be having a particularly long nap. When I went in to wake him I found that he had probably been gone for quite some time, as there was no way on earth that he was breathing or alive. I will not go into details in public, just know that it was probably the single most frightening experience of my life to have lost him and been the one to discover this loss.

His parents were wonderful. They knew that it was beyond my control, NEVER blamed me and supported me through dealing with officials, the autopsy report, and we remained close in many ways until several years later when I moved too far away to be in touch often. When all of this happened Glory was still an infant herself and you can imagine that it was very hard to think about the possibility of an more loss. Part of me had the "lightning can't strike twice" thing going on in my head. Not realistic I know, but I had to think something. T's parents spiritual faith became something that I wanted for myself, although not being one to attend church I had to figure out where I was going to get that. Time and healing. Time doesn't heal but it changes where I am with it. Twenty years later there are things that surprise me and make T 'flash' into my mind. I know that he's with me forever.

About 6 years after T died of SIDS his mother and I both became aware of another SIDS death that happened in childcare. It turns out that we both had a connection to the parents but because our situation had been quite unique at the time there were folks at the hospital that remembered us. I got a phone call from a gal there asking if she could share my phone number with the caregiver and I said absolutely. It turns out that T's Mom and I went to the baby's funeral together and spent quite a bit of time with the Mom and the caregiver. That may have been as good for the two of us as it hopefully was for the other women. SIDS sucks.

Now the newer experience with loss is more recent. My Glory called to tell me right after the New Year that she got a BFP! OMGoodness! My baby is having a BABY! Hey, she's old enough and married, quite happy with so many choices that she's making since she's been on her own. One thing my girl knows how to do is to make a decision and follow through!

So we got pretty darn excited and it grew and it grew. She was tired, the girls were getting bigger right away and unlike me she had a bit of morning sickness. (Yes, I know I was lucky!) With me having gone through a pregnancy so recently it was kind of nice to be able to know what to expect with tests and things. Everything was going along fine in the beginning. At 11wks1d she went for an ultrasound and they showed that the baby measured at 9wks 2d. There was a great heartbeat at about 160 and nobody seemed concerned about the dates being off. I'm guessing they thought she didn't know her dates or cycle well enough.

At 13wks 5d she went for a regular Ob appt. and I didn't get a call from her within the first couple of hours of it. This was really unusual because she had even brought the cellphone in to the u/s with her and let me listen long-distance! When I called her phone GloryBe answered and when I asked him how he was he was he said that he's definitely had better days. They couldn't find the baby's heartbeat on a doppler and brought in an old office ultrasound machine. Still not finding anything. They set them up for the next day for an u/s at the high tech place. Boy, oh boy there was a lot of praying going on that night.

They confirmed that there was no heartbeat and told Glory that since she wanted to have a D&C to come in the next day and don't eat for whatever amount of time before. I can't tell you how disgusted I was that she went the next day (all end of the day appointments) and they said it was too late to do anything and she would have to go in 4 days from then because that's what they could schedule. The last u/s measurement showed 9 wks+, so tell me how long there had been 'fetal demise'? And you want to make her wait?!

So, she had the D&C and was told that she lost a lot of blood so to take it really easy. Within a week she was back at work although still not feeling right, and exactly one week after the procedure she ate something that wasn't right. Probably something that a co-worker brought in and shared but it's not certain. She said her fingers were numb and turning green. She ended up going to the ER two days later because she said she felt severely beaten and unable to walk, and the doc's office just kept giving her late day appointments and tests but not the test they said they were going to. She was admitted immediately and put on IV fluids after they found her temp of 103 and her heart rate at 159! Thank goodness someone was finally going to help my girl!

She had a second D&C late the following day and this time they got everything. She should have been discharged by the next morning since it's usually outpatient surgery but she still had her vitals going wild. The following day I guess they evened out enough because they sent her home. Now can you believe that the day after that she got a call that said that they got one more test result back, and she had salmonella poisoning?! Yes, meds took care of it but egads, there sure was more to it than you'd have thought.

So, I've never had a miscarriage that I know of (a couple of possible chemicals but never confirmed). This is the closest I come and please don't ever let this happen again. I have two local nieces that announced that they are pregnant and due about 6 & 9 weeks after my first grandbaby would have been here. I may even end up with childcare duties for one or both of the baby girls. Yes, shadowbabies.

So now you know why I visit your blogs with those topics. So many friggin' experiences, and hopefully enough new ones for awhile.

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